yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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