every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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