I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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