So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
