I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i love accidental penises.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
