You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
