I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
