Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
