The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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