If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
