She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
