we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
