dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
