when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
