i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
