I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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