haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
