hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
