I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
