P.S. I can't hear my feet
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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