It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
