he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
