Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He did a backflip because drugs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
