I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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