something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
