went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
