no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
