remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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