Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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