It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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