i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Everclear isn't food dammit
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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