it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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