You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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