it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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