You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
