Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
