alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
