Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
