I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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