PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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