Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Naked. naked and bneed help.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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