Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
