I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
