i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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