Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
