...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
