How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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