I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
