i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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