She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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