paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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