i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize