Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
