He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
