the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
