I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
