woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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