My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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