Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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