my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
