Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
