So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
