you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
