apparently the secret to your success is patron
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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