Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
