i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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