I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I pour the whiskey from now on
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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