I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
