He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
