She announced her abortion via fbk
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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