Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
