the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
