i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
