Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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