she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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