When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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